Thursday, February 24, 2011

Being MOMMY and DADDY!

I have to say, I LOVE being a mommy. This has been the most amazing experience so far and its only beginning. I always thought that I understood what it meant to be a mother. As you are growing up you hear about how you will never know the true feeling and meaning of love until you have a child of your own. I never understood what exactly that meant but now I do. I hold this little girl in my arms and I cant even begin to explain the amount of love that I have for her. She is so perfect in every way, I dont know how we lived without her. Being a mother is not easy by any means but it is definitely worth every minute of it. Nursing has been a bit of a struggle, however I am completely dedicated to making it work so I will just keep going. I love being able to nurse her. I love that it is something that only I can give her. Its our mommy daughter time and lucky for us we get to do it a lot!
I spent a lot of time preparing for the birth however I did not even think about what to expect afterwards. I had no clue what the body had to go through to repair itself after delivery. However I have not had to luxury of sitting around and just letting myself heal. The DAY AFTER they released me, they had me bring my 3 day old baby back to the pediatrician office to have her jaundice checked out. She barely has jaundice but they still want to check her. So on top of the lack of sleep I am trying to get my newborn baby and my sore self ready for a doctors appointment. Then the next day we had to go out to get some stuff and then on day 5 I was stuck taking my baby BACK again for another check up. Today is the first day that I have been able to sleep and relax. Its been a stressful week and I am pretty sure I have been the crabbiest person ever but finally I feel like I got a little bit of sleep. Now I just need to get over this soreness! Regardless I would do this all over again to have her. I just cant get over how much I love this little girl. My life is so blessed and I cant even begin to explain the feelings of gratitude that I have for this amazing blessing. I catch myself tearing up just from looking at her. I am just so overwhelmed with love. I also have to say how grateful I am to have the support of the members of the church and our extended family. We have been blessed to have dinners brought to us and I cant even explain how grateful I am for that. It is so nice to not have to think about what to make or going shopping for the groceries to make it! Especially since I cant drive for 2 weeks I am VERY grateful! So thanks to all who have helped! Here are so pics from home. I must say that I LOVE being able to dress this little girl up...its so much fun!

Our beautiful baby!

So last Thursday I had my typical weekly doctors appointment (well I say typical but I was 4 days over due by this time so I didnt expect to still be having appointments!) So when I got to the doctors they did the normal listen to the babies heart rate and check to see if I was dilated. I of course was not dilated more than a 1 which was devastating because I have been having consistent contractions for a week and a half. So they doctor listened to the babies heart rate and it had lowered, it was not low enough to be extremely concerned but still lower. The previous night I had a little freak our moment because I hadnt felt her move for a quite a while so Justin and I both tried poking and pushing on my stomach to try to get her to move, I tried flipping to each side and was getting nothing. This lasted for about 15 minutes. Finally I asked Justin to say a prayer that we would know what to do. Within seconds of finishing the prayer I felt her move again. I was relieved and knew that things were ok. However I mentioned this to the doctor so she started feeling around on my stomach and determined that my fluids felt low so she immediately sent me to have another ultrasound. (I think that brings my total up to 6 ultrasounds throughout this pregnancy!) After having the ultrasound they said that I would need to go over to the hospital to be induced because my fluid levels were below where she would like. Since I was already overdue there was no need to monitor me any further.

I called Justin and told him to meet me at the hospital (made sure I stopped to get my last meal for a while too) So when I got to the hospital they made me start off in triage...I pretty much hate triage. I was waiting there for what felt like forever! I guess they were running low on birthing rooms and I overheard my nurse fighting for me to be the one that got the next available. I was really concerned about not getting a birthing room. One of the things that I like most about this hospital is that each patient gets their own room and they actually have the baby in that room. So I was glad she was standing up for me and it worked because I got the next one!

So we moved into the birthing room, however even though I was still having contractions I was not dilated. So the first part of induction is to insert a pill to soften the cervix. For some people this puts them into labor naturally and for others they have to do the IV medicine. I was really hoping for the pill to work because I really wanted to be able to do the whirl pool while having contractions just to see if I like it and because I have heard so many wonderful things about them. So they put the first pill in and I only dilated to about a two. So they put another one in (after 4 pills they start the IV) This one must have worked because my contractions got stronger and I was dilating. When I was dilated to about a 5-6 and they knew I wasnt going to need the IV they finally let me go into the whirl pool tub. I LOVED this. It was awesome and really helped me relax. They also gave me some Nuvane which didnt help at all with the pain, however it did put me to sleep between the contractions. When I got out of the tub I was dilated to almost an 8. So they asked me one last time if I wanted an epidural. I told them that since I had made it this far without one I was going to turn it down...again (they asked me like 20 times if I wanted one.)
However once I hit an 8 I was beginning to regret my decision. This is the point where I lost the "mind over matter" I was starting to freak out and wanted to cry. However lucky for me I went from an 8 to a 10 pretty quickly and was ready to start pushing. Pushing was so hard and they told me to try to get 3 good pushes within each contraction. I told them I wanted to get 4 in every time because I wanted this baby out! So every time I would have a contraction I would get 4 good pushes in. They asked if I wanted a mirror and I am glad that I had one to see but I wish they would have put it up right before the baby came out. The whole 2 steps forward and 1 step back part of labor was hard for me to see. I would start to see progress and then as the contraction ended she would slide right back up.
Eventually she did come! It was such an amazing feeling when they put her on my stomach (and the pushing was finally over) I looked over at Justin and he was tearing up, I was crying too. Well I was trying to cry but my body was too exhausted to push out any was pretty pathetic! I am very happy that I did it naturally, however I have learned that you do not get a reward for suffering through all the pain of a natural labor. They do not put your name on a plaque or anything like that. I would have gotten the same results if I would have had an epidural but not all the pain! I have to say, I loved the fact that I could get up and walk around within minutes of having her. I was able to sit up to see her get her measurements and weight. If I would have had an epidural I would not have been able to do that. I think next time I will be getting the epidural. I have done the natural thing and now I can say that I have done it. Who knows, I might prefer natural but I will definitely give it something to compare to! It was an amazing experience none the less!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A burnt blessing

When I was a kid, occasionally my mom would overcook something and tell us not to complain because it was simply a burnt blessing. Well I have been cooking this baby in my oven for my 40 weeks due time and now she has become a "burnt blessing." She has stayed in the oven a few days too long! However she is still a very special blessing in our lives. We are so excited to see her and hold her and just tell her how much we love her. I think of how long we had to wait to have her already so what is a few more days! I have to admit that I have had an overall good pregnancy. Its been long, and not always easy but I am sure it will be well worth it. The wait is almost over! Anyhow, I am really ready for our little "burnt blessing" to get here! I already love her so much and I dont even know what she looks like! AHHHHH....I cant wait!

The debate

So recently I have debated deleting my facebook account. I read on a blog that a friend of mine did it because she was constantly on it. I unfortunately have the same addiction. I find myself checking it from my phone multiple times a day as well as on the lap top. I love facebook for the simple fact that I can be nosy without anyone knowing that I am being nosy! I love that I can stay updated on the lives of old friends, new friends, and people I dont even know very well. Also its a great way to stay in touch with my family, they are not great about checking my blog but they all check their facebook as well! Especially with the new arrival approaching and the family and friends being so far away, facebook is a great way for me to post pictures and update everyone on our progress as a family.
Now, the downside to facebook. First of all, it is an addiction. There is no other way to put it, I have an addiction to facebook. I check it when I am bored, I check it when I am tired, I check it every time I open the computer...its pathetic! Also I have been having a slight problem with getting offended with comments...this could be the out of control hormones that I am experiencing right now, or the simple fact that you are not able to sense sarcasm with words only. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a very sarcastic person so while may be sarcastically venting on one of my status updates, some people my think that I am seriously upset or stressing out. This is turn leads to comments that I dont always like. I had an incident the other day where I made a sarcastic comment, where I was trying to be funny about the baby being late (I guess I am not a good comedian) and ended up getting my feelings hurt by a comment (dont worry, it wasnt anyone that checks out my blog). After being upset about this and venting to my husband about it, I realized that it was most likely a combination of hormones and miscommunication on both ends.
Justin and I have realized that facebook, while having so many great aspects to it also has many downfalls as well. I wish I could say that I could just knock my addiction without getting rid of it all together but in reality I doubt it. We are considering both deleting our accounts and just sticking to a blog. Opinions on this matter would be great!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

First trip to the hospital

So yesterday I was feeling a little weird all day. I had a sudden burst of energy and just wanted to deep clean our apartment. So, I turned on the Ipod and started dancing and cleaning (the dancing was my idea of trying to be active to induce labor) :). Anyhow, so Justin came home that night and I was feeling some slight contractions but I wasn't sure if they were Braxton Hicks or if they were the real deal so I didn't think much of them. At about 9:20 at night I decided to start timing them. They were pretty subtle so I wasn't sure if they were just pains or real contractions...eventually they started getting harder and harder so I was sure they were contractions. I told Justin to get some sleep (I knew I wouldnt be able to) so he went to bed around 10:30. I stayed up and kept timing them finally at about 1:00 in the morning I woke him up and told him that it was time to go. When we left for the hospital my contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart. To make this story a little more interesting I will let you know that we hadnt filled up our tank in the Jeep and were running on fumes and of course there were no gas stations opened at 1:00 in the morning. I guess we are not in Missouri anymore! So we said a prayer before we left that we would be able to find a gas station and sure enough we found one on the way to the hospital. I know that the Lord helped us in finding one because if we hadnt found one we probably wouldnt have made it (yes it was that empty)! Anyhow, we made it to the hospital and checked in the Triage. My contractions were getting worse and I was really nervous so my blood pressure was a little high. They check me to see if I was dilated and of course I wasn't. The most pain that I had felt was when the doctor checked me. I have been checked by my doctor before and it never really hurt that bad, but when this doctor checked me I thought she stuck it up there so far that I was going to be able to choke on it. It was miserable. Anyhow since I wasn't dilated she told me to go walk around for a bit and they would check me again. As I walked around my contractions were getting stronger and stronger and coming about every two minutes. However, at about 3:30 she came in to check me again and nothing. I am probably only dilated to a one. So they told me to go home. I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to go home and relax with the contractions that I was having so they gave me some pills to take the edge off and put me to sleep. They worked, but I think they that slowed down my contractions. Because I woke up this morning and am back to were I can barely feel them now. I am pretty bummed about it but I guess that she will come when she is ready. I just hope that she decides she is ready pretty soon...I know we are ready for her to be here!